Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
