Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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