Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
