Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
