Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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