Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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