I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
