While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you would pick up someone in the library
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
