i need an iv and a liver transplant
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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