i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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