Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my being single is dangerous.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
