You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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