I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
