i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
