There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
