We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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