There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
