I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
