i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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