Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just puked most of my soul out..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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