you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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