Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My life is pants optional.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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