Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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