Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
