Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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