everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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