He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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