Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
