We're facebook friends in real life
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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