is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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