"it" just moved
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
