return my video game
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
