I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
