it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just high enough for therapy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
