Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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