I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
