but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
