Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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