New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Floor bacon is actually really good
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
