You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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