Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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