she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
