if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
