Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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