ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
