apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
