He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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