oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
