I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
