it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
