he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
