it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
