thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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